his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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