sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
