You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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