she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
