you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
there is glitter all over my balls
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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