I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
