Where is the hickey?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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