Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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