my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this beer tastes like vomit already
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
