if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he told me I talked like a deaf person
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
