you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
