my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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