Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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