We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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