Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
