What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
