yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I didn't notice because vodka
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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