I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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