I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
