Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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