Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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