I'm passing your future prison.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
