Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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