Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
