its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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