One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm always down for nudity.
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