it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
