You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
