I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
