do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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