You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
