He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
