If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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