I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
