dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
