we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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