the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
