the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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