There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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