My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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