in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
