I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
