Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
