Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He told me they were just razor bumps!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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