I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
