Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
