Got a toothbrush?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
