a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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