Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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