Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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