All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
