you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
