threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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