so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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