i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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