Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
