No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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