Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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