How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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