you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
