they need to just BURY HIM!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
