I checked into jail on foursquare
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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