is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
