I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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