You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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