Will you blow on my dice?
from now on my penis is your penis
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
