Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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