I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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