Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
