Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
