And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Girls should come with a carfax report
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
