I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
