the new term for farting is butt boxing.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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