Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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