i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
